I finally gave up

16 09 2009

Yesterday morning I woke up feeling empty inside. I felt so sad. Just alone and confused and down. A few memories flew through my mind and a few thoughts accomponied them. Who am I? How did I allow myself to get so lost in someone who had givin up on me? Even though she never came out and said it, I knew she had. I could tell in her touch, in her voice….in her eyes. Everything had changed and the more it changed the more I scrambled for control. I just wanted to save us.


     Through all that we went through I never gave up. I guess its silly but I felt like love would keep us together through everything. She gave me hope. A positive outlook I never had before. I never realized I was sucking the life out of her. She gave up first and slowly the life ran back into her veins……mine went away.

     A month past after we broke up and I finally gave up. Through all the hurt and uncertainty I always hoped she would come back to me in the back of my mind. Ihoped she needed me like I needed her and would miss me once I was out of her life. But she didnt. She told me she was “happier by herself.” She told me things would never changed and even though she loves me, its always the same routine with us. “Its always good when were together than it goes back to the same thing.”
    
     That was the last thing she said to me before I finally gave up. Knowing how unhappy my company made her made me give up……..So with everything in me, will power, heart, brain, mind, and spirit…I let go. I gave up the dream we had and I just let go. The hope is gone. Washed away by tears negativiy. Thewall goes back up and Ifeel numb to everything which surrounds me. My heart is broken but I have closure. I have no idea what the future holds or where life will take me and my doubts are at an all time high. I am alone and scared…the only thing im sure of is that I gave up. Now what?

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3 responses

16 09 2009
misonrisa

Unfortunately, I can definitely relate. I’m trying to let go.when I think I’ve let go of the hopes of us,a random memory runs across my mind,and I relate the present to the past…and find myself thinking of the future. It sucks,getting myself out of this cycle

16 09 2009
TheFemmeapr

Im sorry u have to go through it too.

12 11 2009
Juscai

I swear I have the tears running down my face right now…

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