Advice

 December 27, 2009

Q: Heyy! Okay so I need advice. I have a girlfriend and she usually dates studs…but i’m not a stud. But im not really a femme either =/ so what my question to you is…..do you think its possible for someone whose dated nothing but studs their whole life(or at least gay life) to have the same romantic/sexual feelings towards a femme and vice versa?

A: Ahh!! You’ve come to thr right person with that question!! Lol. Im a Femme and all I date is Femmes….it is definetly possible for a girl who has dated mostly studs to date a femme! My first gf was a stud….Although I dont prefer studs, I could talk to either one as long as I find them attractive. Ive also talked to a few girls who had never dated a femme before….They just liked me. It wasnt about stud or femme. At the end of the day the key thing to remember is that were ALL GIRLS……Alot of “studs” forget that. Its not written in stone that Femmes have to date studs and vice versa…. Only people obsessed with labels think like that! Anyways babe…I hope this helps you!! If I was you I would go for it  and stick it out with your girl! 🙂 Femme on Femme is HOTT!

xoxo Aryka 

 

December 12, 2009

Q:What Do I Do When My Ex From Four Yrs Ago Who Did Me Dirty By: Cheating & Lying Gets On A Networking Site Such As Twitter & Begins Following/Conversing w/My Friends &/Or Associates? There Are Thousands Of PPL To Talk To Over The Internet, Yet His Entire “Following” List Entails of 97% of My Friends & They’re All D/M’ing Asking Me Who Is This Guy!! In The Past He Has Made It Quite Clear That He Is More Than Envious of My Ability To Be Friendly & Inviting w/Other PPL, Which Would Give Me All The Motive To Pay Him No Mind & Let Him Make A Fool of Himself…I’ve Encountered This Dilemma Various Times In The Past, But It Was Never A Situation of My Own…My 2 Closest Friends Have Already Told Me “IF HE WANTS TO COMPETE wYOU SO BE IT,BUT HE’LL BE DOING IT ALONE” & That “HE ISN’T ANYTHING COMPARING TO YOU” A Statement In Which I Humbly Agree…I’ve Put My Issues w/H.I.M ::He Irritates Me:: Behind Me & Gave Myself Closure A Long Time Ago w/The Hopes & Prospects of Life Being 10 Fold…& In Results, He Has Gotten A Vicious Strand of Karma Handed To Him…I Don’t Wanna Show This “Lonely-No-Friend-of-His-Own-Fool” That I’m Phased By His Newfound Interest in Making Connections w/My Friends, But At The Same Time It Does Bother Me That He Feels The Need To Do So…Especially When He’s Making Passes At My Potential Significant Other…So In Conclusion…Do I Step Off Of My Classy Stoop & Put Him In His Place?? or Let The Habitual Pattern Continue And Let It Reveal It’s True Form w/Time?? Love You Sooo Soo Much Muah – You Know Who I Am XOXOXO

A:Hello my dear! Yes I know who you are and thank you for leaving your question in the advice column! Ok, lets get to the point. 2010 is going to be the year of rebuilding ones self! It will be very difficult to be content in life with negative energy lingering around. everyone runs into those problem ex’s who are spiteful and do whatever they can to bring your day down.You can handle it one of two ways. The first way you can handle the situation is to totally ignore your ex and wait for them to fade out over time. It sounds like he is craving attention and at this point even negative comments made about him will fuel his ego. The second way you can handle him is by simply telling him to f@*&k off and get a life. Lol Well maybe not in so many words but tell him to just leave you alone and get out of the circle of people in your life. Let him know you see what he’s trying to do and you just want to live life without him being around. If that doesn’t work then just ignore him. He has to go away eventually. Anwyays, thanks again for your time and I hope I can be of some service!

XoXo Aryka

 

 

December 3, 2009

Q:I’m a little nervous to ask this question and I believe that it is because I’m scared of facing the truth 😦 but moving forward…my girlfriend and I have been together for two months shy of a year and first off, let me say that she is the best I’ve ever had-and I’ve had quite a few. But, lately I’ve been stuck on stupid with her. We are in a long distance relationship and we both knew what we were getting into (or so I thought) before we agreed to going through with it, and it seems that every since she left things have been very hard. She and I argue over frivolous things when she’s gone but when she comes back we are like two peas in a pod. I’ve had some problems trusting her due to her lack of communication with me and ”acting out” as I would call it i.e. creating new social pages without me knowing and me finding out about it and giving a girl her number in the club all because she was mad that we had been arguing. She hasnt blatantly cheated to my knowledge and I don’t get that gut feeling that she has or is. However, like I stated before, I am stuck on stupid because I feel like there is a big lack of caring and nurturing for our relationship on her part. Everything that she has done to me I have done to another person and I had to learn the hard way how to appreciate someone and we have talked about all of this and her response is that she feels that she may have a problem and she’s always done these things in her previous relationships. She tells me that she feels like I’m the one for her and I’ve helped her realize what the f*$k she’s done but my problem is….is all of that a bunch of bull? :\

A: Hey honey!! Ok, lets get straight to the point. I understand the concerns that you have about your lover cheating because of the distance between the two of you and the lack of communication you have. I think maybe you question should be do you want to make it work with her or not, not necessarily is she lying. If you want to make it work with her then you should try to work it out, stick around, and see if she does what she says she’s going to do and changes. If you really in your heart feel that she means what she’s saying and you can see that she has changed and appreciates you and proceeds with  a long term commitment, theres no reason not to go on ahead and give it a chance. On the other hand, if your having doubts, that may be an indication that your not ready to take the next step with that girl right now. That doesnt mean that your not meant to be together. It may just mean that this isnt you time. Maybe you each need to grow more and she needs to be with out you or free to do as she pleases to see what she;s without…..Maybe you need time do date other people and see if she;s what you really want?? Are you settling?? Would you rather someone closer to you?? Just think about it. Use you heart and your intuition and really think about it. I hope things work out for you!

 

November 23, 2009

Q:I am not out and I honestly dont plan on coming out in the near future.  Why? Because Im deadly scared of the consequences that would take place in my life.  I have liked women for so many years, but I have been struggling with my identity most of my teenage years (im 19) because a lot of the people around me are very disapproving of homosexuality.  Some of my friends do know, but it is draining me trying to lead a double life and not get caught.  I am bisexual but I do agree with monogamy I don’t do both sexes at the same time.  I have never had a gf. The one woman I saw myself actually growing to love, was too caught up in her straight life to ever think of actually being with me. Since then I have never had any woman move my soul like she did. I am someone that puts my all into a relationship but I am scared that me hiding my sexual orientation would prevent this. My mom is TOTALLY against homosexuality and constantly asks me if I am a lesbian. I dont even know why, but the fact that she could sense it in me is terrifying.  I dont know what to do. I usually don’t care what people think about me, but this is one thing that Im scared of. I dont want to be called the freak, confused, the sinner, or any of the other derogatory terms used for homosexuals. I need to know where do I go from here?

A: Thanks for taking the time to write me 🙂 I appreciate it! Ok, on to your problems…..I wish I could give you a happy go lucky answer and tell you what to do but I really cant. Your situation is a very real one and is common among alot of people in the gay community thanks to the un-supportive assholes were surrounded by. The reality of it is, you will never be 100% fullfilled and happy in life if you can never just be you. This doesnt mean you have to go streak around your city in rainbow undies, lol, it just means you need to at LEAST be 100% sure with who you are. After that, you may not have such a problem with what people say or think about who you are. There will always be ignorant people around who are miserable or scared of what they dont understand. They come a dime a dozen. Just ignore them, keep your head high, and stay positive. You cant let onlookers bother you…there will always be someone in life who has something negative to say whether your gay or not. Just stay focused on the positive people 🙂 I hope this helps. Have a good one!

 

Oct.12, 2009

Q:I am newly a lesbian, I know it sounds weird but I just came to my realization about a year ago.  I was with men and women for all of my life and started having sex with girls when I was about 8. (I dnt know what I was doing lol) But I did and after that I was just with men until I was about 21 calling myself bi and such only having sex with femmes and only had a little relationship here and there nothing serious. (Which I was totally in denial) And got fed up with being unhappy with myself and just went fully GAY instead of just saying I was Bi to make my family happy.
SO I started dating my best  friend she was a stud we knew each other for about a year and were just really good friends. We went into a whirl wind romance finally in my life I was so happy!!! We did everything together lived, ate, partied everything but turns out she was still in love with her ex and that ended in about 6 months. Real burn…
     But now I am dating another stud she is so opposite of my type its ridiculous. First of all I don’t smoke or drink she does both. I don’t have children and promised myself I would never date anyone that does, she has a child. She is 31 I am only 22. Normally I dnt date anyone that is a year older than me just too many complications. She lives with her mom by choice but she still lives there and to top it all off the woman is on probation!! I am totally a square as they come and a totally don’t date anyone with a record. But she is the best I ever had!!! It is just something about her personality that just draws me to her….Okay my problem is that I dnt want to fall for her to quick she has asked me to be her girlfriend on multiple of times I tell her I need to work on myself but the problem is that the DUDE I was with screwed me up so bad that I am very guarded and refuse to let anyone in emotionally.. I really want to be in a relationship with her but dnt want to hurt her in the end because I jump in too fast. Do you think I am confused? Or do you think I just dnt want to let anyone in because of what some Dude did to me?

A:Thanks for submitting your entry love! After careful deliberation and reading and re reading I came up with some kind of conclusion I hope will help you. Lol. You dont sound confused to me at all. You just sound like you’ve got a wall up around your heart and your being careful with who you give it away to. Thats ok. We all do it after we get hurt. The key is to know when to let that wall down and allow yourself to be with someone who wants to treat you right and make you happy. Opposites do have a tendency to attract so give her a try and take things slow. Slow and steady slow and steady 🙂 Lol. Good luck love ! Hang in there, it may be worth it in the end!

 

Oct.12, 2009

Q:Ok so here is the situation I will try to be as straight to the point
as possible lol. I’m openly bi but the clean bi girl if I’m with a man
I am faithful If I am with a woman I’m faithful I don’t double dip. I
was dating someone in the industry who is a a bisexual female on the
low, she is 27 and her family or friends don’t even know nor does the
industry because she will loose her chances of being an actress in the
year and 3 months I was with her …I played the “assistant” for her
sake. I also gave her the benefit of a doubt and stayed with her after
I found her ex girlfriends number under a stylist name she claims
because I didn’t let her have friend but it was the fact that if you
are friends with your ex ONLY then why hide if anything introduce if
there are no feelings involved right ? The next thing that happened
her friends and family didn’t like me because I was always around but
they didn’t know I was her girlfriend which led to me not being able
to be around her unless she was at my house where my family knows who
she is and she can be herself. I also took the whole blame and went to
jail for her so she doesn’t have to ruin her career and have to answer
to her family or friends why her car was taken away and also if I
didn’t take it she would be in jail for 2 years because she had
warrants for beating up a cop in the past smh in return for me being
the person who cared, loved and protected her from jail instead of
kissing my feet and appreciating all the chances I gave she instead
treated me like she didn’t owe me anything also asking for space and
eventually calling it quits at first I thought it would be a break up
to make up situation but then I decided to contact the ex girlfriend
who has been lingering in our relationship 6 months out of the year
and was shocked that everytime my ex said she didn’t speak to her she
was really stalking her leaving her music voice messages on her phone
one of them being one she dedicated to me, her cousin also stated that
my ex bad mouthed me and said to her “My assistant is getting on my
nerves and no one likes her … Do you want to be my assistant?” It
didn’t really hurt that she said those words it hurt more that she was
talking to her ex girls cousin about me , he ex also goes on to say
that she never claimed me as her girlfriend but more of a 1 night
stand with her assistant which is a disrespectful because she is your
ex and I’m your girl why are you talkin about me to your ex and her
cousin, she also purchased items for her ex girls son that I was not
aware of and the ex claims she didn’t take the items. When I
confronted my ex she decided to change her number and block me from
facebook, My Space and Twitter as if I’m the cheater who got caught
out there when in all actuality her ex also stated that she has been
sleeping with 2 NFL players while she was with me including the one
who she claims she left him for me and I found this out from her exes
cousin who speaks to my ex via bbm every day last week she told her
she is living in florida with one of the 2 NFL players when we just
broke up a 2 weeks ago.  The funny thing about this whole thing is
that her ex never added me on her facebook where she claims my ex
requested her and she rejected it …if your not talkin to her and you
have your “wife” then why not add me are you worried ill catch both of
you in a web of lies? I’m confused on what to do or how to handle the
situation, as much as I was there for her she was never there for me
through my chemo shots or radiation appointments she was just not
there when I needed her the most. But I have a hunch that they are
both lying  and I feel like my ex should be put on blast after
everything I did and the truth should be out to those who didn’t like
me cause I was always around her . Those who she talked bad about me
to in the industry should know that she was bi and dating me but some
say leave it alone most say shout it out because she did me dirty. I’m
stuck because the truth will even it all out but the truth may have me
killed since she threatened to have me killed if I ever told who she
was but in the industry I’m trying to get into may reject me due to
her lies. I’m confused on what to do and how to handle all of this ?
Your advice is surely needed!

A:First let mesay im sorry that happened to you! Theres nothing I hate more than a liar or a damn cheat 😦 Anywhoo, its very clear to me that the girl you were dealing with has some issues with herself and her sexuality. Hence the lying and the sneaking around and dating of NFL players etc etc….My advice here would be to keep it movin and dont stoop to her level. The truth will always reveal itself so it will be the liar who gets burned in the end. In time people will find out the truth. I would just leave it alone if I were you becasue all she’s gunna do is lie to people about the situation anyhow. I hope this helps!

 

 

Oct.9, 2009

Q:I work around my ex so we speak to each other like hi , bye. But he always has to take my politeness as a weakness. He starts askin askin “>askin hella questions & tryin to hang out with me. I guess because he tried to sleep with my GF before I did he thinks we should all hang & smoke togther. So he’ll hit me askin bout where she at UGH! I even had this “friend” who he had working on the inside tellin him about my social get togethers & stuff me & her did together. It’s like he won’t except that the “us” chapter of his life is over. Even though I told him plain & simple. It’s frustrating because I love my job but i hate that he can find me there.
What to d0??

A:Hmmm. Situations where an ex is a coworker are always complicated. I dont play when it comes to work and outlying influences that may make me feel uncomfortable there. If you already told him that your not interested and that he needs to back off then the next step is to go to management. Regardless of what the situation is, if you asked his as a co worker to leave you alone and he wont, its considered sexual harassment and I would very politely remind his a$$ of that! No one should have to work in an uncomfortable enviroment. if the problem persist, definitely go to management. Hope this helps!

 

Sep.27, 2009

 Q: I just watched your coming out advice video, and i was just wondering, did you lose the friends that you had when you were “straight”? im not telling my parents until i move out, but i love my friends that i have now, and im afraid to lose them.

 
A :No.I didnt lose any friends. They were all very supportive, They didnt care. Lol. I dont think its quite that simple for everyone but my friends were ok. If those people are your true friends they should stick by you. If they dont, you will make new friends gay or sraight who are more loyal anyways 🙂

Sep. 22, 2009

Q:So i need advice….I used to be in a relationship that went no where, but about a 1yr and a half ago i met this girl, Reed.We really hit it off at first.Were both capricorns. She and i started off good. We hung out chilled, talked and later we met the families.

     Ok so she had a problem with me talking to my ex, and so did i so i stopped. We moved in together and got serious. Then she lost her job and went crazy!! She put me out and everything! We fought and I left and moved back in with my mom. She started talking to other girls and having sex with other girls…..I didn’t.I  just went on a date with a different chic. 4 months later we tried again. We moved back in together and everything was going fine until her mother sent her younger  brother down to live with us because he couldn’t get his act together. At first i didn’t think it ws a good idea with our relationship being brand new again .Just as i suspected it caused alot of problem.She started staying out late and sometimes not coming home. Then the shoe was on the other foot…I lost my job and she said i started tripping. One day I came home and she wasn’t there anymore. She had packed all her things and was gone… changed her number on me and everything. A week later she came back saying she just didn’t want to argue. Found out that she had gotten an apartment and everything. I waited days, weeks. months, cried and got depressed. 3 months later i ran into an ex.I needed somebody, and so we had sex….wasn’t intending on it, but then just as i suspected she came back around. The fling lasted about 3 days, mind u i hadnt REALLY talked to her. She had car problems once and needed me but that’s about it. She found out after her and I had sex….and that I had had sex with 1 one of my other  pre=”other “>exs, so she changed her number again! Then 2weeks later comes back. She said she didn’t want a relationship, or anything like that…so i said fine im done.. but then she gets mad at the clothes that i put on saying she would “jack me up” but im confused…so then im like ok maybe she’s just mad but SHE left me and did the same thing last year. Why is she not being understanding? So then i find out that the same night she went out to the club and went to sum girls’ house, WTF???? Help, yes i love her but yes im tired of these damn games!

A:Sorry its taken so long to get back to you! I appreciate your email though. Ok so lets get to the point…. the chick you were dating sounds like she is playing alot of games. She sounds sometimesy…like sometimes she wants you around and sometimes she doesnt. I dont really agree with that. Not only is it unfair to you but I can imagine how bad it makes you feel. I think that you should give her spme space to figure outwhat it is she wants. If you choose to wait around and see what her decision is than thats ok, but you should keep yourself first priority. If she has moved out and had relations with someone else, regardless of what she’s saying to you she’s showing that she wants to move on. solet her. It hurts but let her go. If it was meant to be….you know the saying. If you two do work things out, you will be stronger ever and one day you can look back on this whole thing and laugh. Just give it some time.

 

 

Sep. 22, 2009

Q:Hi  i need advice so bad im really stuck. Ive been with this girl for 6 months and i love the hell out of her. Theres nothing i wouldnt do for her or her son. Weve been best friends for about 5 yrs now and now in a relationship. I dont regret anything and would do it all over in a heart beat. We spend all our time together.The only time were not together is when she’s working or im in school. Its been a very hard battle with her…. Almost four months into our relationship she tells me she still in love with an ex from yrs ago and never moved on from it. At first she states she was with me to get over her than caught her self having these feelings that she never thought she could have for some one. The love grew and instead of leaving i stayed by her side when after all the accusing,  she was the  one had feelings for someone else. She starts breaking up with me over the most pettiest shit of my life. If I came home late , I mean anything if I said the wrong thing to make her think something or some wrote her online. Now i have no social life since we been together and I lost friends and all for her. She does and say so mean things calling me out my name and bashing me to the fullest to hurt me in anyway possible…..I experience so much with her that i never feel with anyone else. Feelins during sex and everything in between.

     I got tired of the break up and fighting over nothing and I finally got the nerve to leave. Now she comes to my house acting crazy talking about whats my problem and shit and trying to fight me and choke and hurt me in anyway, asking why the fuck i changed my number and all. In the past she came crying at my door apologizing asking me to stay and she needs me in her life and she dont want to lose me. Now im confused because i dont want go back n i never thought it will be this way. I know she loves but if she can’t have me she doesnt want anyone to. I cant be with her cause how she treated me mentally and physically.  I know she loves me but wat type of person does this stuff to someone they claim they wanna spend the rest of they life with n ready to purpose n love.. i need help….. advice please.

 A: Well…this is a tough one. Ive been sittingg her racking my brain since earlier when I recieved this e-mail. After alot re reading over your story it seems like you really answered your own question. Your obviously very aware of the bad treatment you’ve been getting and your obviously tired of it. The girl your dealing with has no business hitting on you or even showing up to your house unannounced since your no longer an item. ESPECIALLY when she was the one who wanted to confess her love for an ex and leave you assed out. Thats not even cool. You sound like your well aware your too good for the drama and heartache 🙂 Seperate yourself and let her do her thing without you for a little while. You can both come to a better agremment or understanding once you’ve cooled down. Until she gets it together, just chill and live life ! Hope this helps love!

Sep. 21,2009

Q:So I have been with my gf for a year but we’ve known each other for a long time. Before we decided to be in a relationship she told me about this guy she had still had feelings for but that she had broken up with him 1 year ago. Our relationship was going well then six months into the relationship, things got kind of rocky because my family was having a hard time accepting that I had a gf. She had sex with this guy.  We talked about it and decided to give it another shot, we broke up in january after she told me she had sex with him again. Meanwhile we have lived together this entire time because neither of us has anywhere to stay because of the recession. She finds out she is pregnant by this guy, but really wants to be with me, she said she understands if I want to leave, and that she’s still in love w me. She said that she’s done with this guy, however we are still not together because I’m not sure what’s going to happen. I love her a lot but I can’t risk getting hurt again. What’s your advice on this?

A:This is a great question because I know that alot of women in the LGBT community have came across issues like this before. Now while I normally try to look at the cup half full and be optimistic about things, I cant say thats so easy for me to do with this situation at hand. I have major trust issues so someone sleeping around on me wouldnt set well at all. ESPECIALLY not with a guy. Honestly if I was you I would move on. First off, if the girl was serious about being a lesbian and loving women, she wouldnt be sleeping around with this guy on and off. Not only is it wrong but its unsafe to you. While you may love her, I dont think it would be very easy to trust her again after she’s gotten pregnant. Do you really want to spend your life with someone you have to worry about sleeping around on you with guys or a guy if your not available? I dont know, its just my opinion. Who am I? Lol. Anyways, I hope whatever you do you end up happy! Just remember NEVER SETTLE.

Sep. 21, 2009

Q:Now I have heard that if a girl just wants to have sex but not be in a relationship, she is not necessarily a lesbian or bi, she is a freak. What about the girl who wants a relationship, but does not want to have sex?
Im in love with this girl Im dating, I want to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her, but I dont like pussy. I know you are like WTF lol but this is more than an infactuation or best friend love. I truly love her and would do anything and everything for her. I love kissing her, holding her, cuddling, hugging PDA’s- even in front of my friends, going out with her- none of that is a problem. The problem is that I dont even touch myself down there so it really turns me off touching someone else. The feel of pussy is just really gross to me. She really dont like being fingered but I have done it before and though she enjoyed it, I did not. I faked like I enjoyed doing it though. I have never gone down on her and unless I have a barrier, I hope I never have to.
I dont consider myself confused, Ive been in love before and know what love is. My heart doesnt know gender, race, or religion. But my arousal does lol And Im totally willing to give up dick because I love her so much, and I havent been with a man since we started talking (over a year) and am not one of those girls that goes back and forth. Im monagomous till the end…and beyond. We actually stopped talking for about 7 months, and I did not go back to guys. I didnt want anyone but her. I havent been with a man since.
But in your opinion- will this relationship last? What can I do to increase our chance of a long term healthy, happy relationship? Would you be with class=”mceItemHidden”> a girl that alsways had to use a dental dam when she went down on you?

A:Your questions were very interesting……ive never know anyone in that situation before. You dont sound very confused to me. Actually you sound like you know exactly what you want! Lol. Which may or may not be the problem. While I feel like trust, communication, and love are the basis of any good solid relationship, intimacy , passion, and romance are too. Its important to be able to connect to your partner in the bedroom as well as spiritually. This being said its hard for me to say whether I think it will or can last. I think anything can last if you work hard enough at it but ar the two of you willing to do the work? And it becomes extra work when your lacking one of the key things to a normal healthy relationship.
     I really respect the fact that your so loyal in your heart and mind to this girl. Its sounds like the only thing your lacking is the sex. Have you guys ever talked about why pu$$y gross’s you out? Lol. Thats one thing you can do to increase the time in your relationship. Some things you just have to kind of joke and smile about and it becomes a little easier to say out loud to yourself. You guys could also try to find some other sexual acts you can do that dont involve so much mouth to vagina action 🙂 Lol. I dont know, make out, dry hump, do whatever to get the mojo flowing. Just dont let it take over and become a huge problem! Anyways, I hope this helps! Thanx again for taking the time to write me 🙂

 

 

Sep. 18, 2009

Q:Okay so I have this friend..we dated for about 3 months. So while we were going out I felt as if I didnt want to be in the relationship..So I decided to break up with him. Then after that I felt as if I wanted to be w| him again..So we went back Out. After that I felt as if I didnt want to be w| him aqain…So we came to the agreement that we should break up. I really miss calling him my boyfriend..and mind you I kinda sorda love him. what should I do?

A:Well thats a tough on but not TOO tough. Lol. I am the type of person who believes that if you really want to be with someone you should do it any any cost. Love is hard to come by and a special connection with someone is rare too. My advice is to wait a little while. See if you really miss him or just having someone there, and then try again. If you really love him, the feelings wont just go away and you’ll know exactly what to do when the time is right. Now while all of this sounds like a nice ending, do keep in mind that he may get tired of the back and fourth thing or possibly even meet someone else while your taking your time to collect your thoughts. Just make sure you know what you want to do exactly before you do it love! Good luck!

 

Sep.16, 2009

Q:What would you do if you had a friend that you’ve know for years. Someone you really care about and you know that the person they are in a relationship with is cheating on them. I won’t say any names cough cough Zulumaster. I’m upset and it seems like I’m more upset then she is and I’m not the one being cheated on. But let me back up. My friend called herself being so in love and from the looks of things on the outside, I was happy for her and thought her girl really loved her. My friend moved from where she lived, gave her whole life up 2 move in with this Girl n Detroit. A few months ago I saw her girl with this chick that’s from another state kissing and having a good time so obviously this stud is playin the shit out of her with some stripper and have been cheating on her for a while now. Sad part about it is they both have girlfriends.. To make a long story short, I have tried telling her but, she refuses to believe what I’m saying and thinks that they are only friends…. How would you handle this situation if this was your close friend? If you decide to do a vid about it please keep it general and don’t use anybodys Name. I just need some advice, you seem smart and I like watching your videos.

A:Hmmmmm…well I think we have all had a friend like that before. Lol. I have alot of them! I think If I was you I would try to just stay out of the situation. Even though you care about your friend you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped. People who shoot the messenger do that because its easier to do that then look the truth in the face and realized what your up against. If you’ve tried to tell her once and she blew you off I would even bother trying a second time. Some people have to see thing for themselves. My advice to you is just stay out of it unless she asks for your opinion or help. Keep the bad energy her way not yours 🙂 Eventually things will reveal themselves and when they do just be there for her…I hope this helps and I will blog on the topic as well!

Sep. 15, 2009

Q: I like your points of view makes sense…i have a question don’t know if you’ll be able to answer but i’d like to hear your take on this or maybe some advice my g.fs older sister is incredibly religious and she is always giving her notes and emails and preaching to her how she is going to hell and how its an abomination and she even tells her that her being a homosexual is worse than her committing murder and i know this hurts her and i don’t know what to say to comfort her any advice??

A: Honestly, there isnt too much you can tell bible pushers or someone who is being affected by their words. Thats messed up. I think I would just try to be there for her if I was you. Its hard to have family who is so ugly toward you. Just be there for her and eventually the comments wont hurt so much. Tell her sister kiss ass

If you would like to submit a question to The Femme, email me at :

thefemme@the-femme.com

8 responses

17 09 2009
Anonymous

okay so I have this friend..we dated for about 3 months. So while we were going out I felt as if I didnt want to be in the relationship..So I decided to break up with him. Then after that I felt as if I wanted to be w| him again..So we went back Out. After that I felt as if I didnt want to be w| him aqain…So we came to the aqreement that we should break up. I really miss calling him my boyfriend..and mind you I kinda sorda love him. what should I do?

1 10 2009
Jerzi

Dear Anonymous,
Why do you keep breaking up with him once you have him? Maybe you need to see what you really feel for him and stop with the rollercoaster emotions. Its not healthy for either of you.
Going back and forth and he still comes back obviously means he feels something strong for you. he doesnt deserve to be hurt. But you do deserve to be happy.
So as i said, think about wht you want and then act from that.

-Jerzi

1 10 2009
Jerzi

Yo Arkya…
I love you page. Love the interaction. And LOVE THAT I CAN ACCESS IT!!! ahahahah…
keep up the amazing work!
You def ROCK!! 🙂

-Jerzi

1 10 2009
thefemmeapr

thanx lovie 🙂 Im loving the interaction too!

26 10 2009
Kimberly

i am soooo loving it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6 12 2009
tisha

Everyone needs to edit their letters (and responses) before posting them. This is an advice column and what is written is important to the people asking and the readers who may also have the same issues. Please be careful. If this is to be taken seriously and maybe expanded into a paying career, then the spelling and sentence structure must be on point to be taken seriously.

13 12 2009
acquiredapathy

What Do I Do When My Ex From Four Yrs Ago Who Did Me Dirty By: Cheating & Lying Gets On A Networking Site Such As Twitter & Begins Following/Conversing w/My Friends &/Or Associates? There Are Thousands Of PPL To Talk To Over The Internet, Yet His Entire “Following” List Entails of 97% of My Friends & They’re All D/M’ing Asking Me Who Is This Guy!! In The Past He Has Made It Quite Clear That He Is More Than Envious of My Ability To Be Friendly & Inviting w/Other PPL, Which Would Give Me All The Motive To Pay Him No Mind & Let Him Make A Fool of Himself…I’ve Encountered This Dilemma Various Times In The Past, But It Was Never A Situation of My Own…My 2 Closest Friends Have Already Told Me “IF HE WANTS TO COMPETE wYOU SO BE IT,BUT HE’LL BE DOING IT ALONE” & That “HE ISN’T ANYTHING COMPARING TO YOU” A Statement In Which I Humbly Agree…I’ve Put My Issues w/H.I.M ::He Irritates Me:: Behind Me & Gave Myself Closure A Long Time Ago w/The Hopes & Prospects of Life Being 10 Fold…& In Results, He Has Gotten A Vicious Strand of Karma Handed To Him…I Don’t Wanna Show This “Lonely-No-Friend-of-His-Own-Fool” That I’m Phased By His Newfound Interest in Making Connections w/My Friends, But At The Same Time It Does Bother Me That He Feels The Need To Do So…Especially When He’s Making Passes At My Potential Significant Other…So In Conclusion…Do I Step Off Of My Classy Stoop & Put Him In His Place?? or Let The Habitual Pattern Continue And Let It Reveal It’s True Form w/Time?? Love You Sooo Soo Much Muah – You Know Who I Am XOXOXO

20 01 2010
Keke

Arkya
ight so imma femmie chick right and i usually date studs, and 4 sum reason im madly in love wit a stem named char we been fuckin around wit each other 4 2 years now, so we had dis bigg ass fight yesturday and we said sum stuff and we broke up, i cryed 4 hours non stop and our bestfriend wuz there 4 me and she’s a stud named jasmine and she stayed over she came on to me and we ended up havin sex. and now im attracted to her i mean i always wuz and im afraid that char is gonna find out, but then there’s sum twisted shit to this story to. my ex char she cheated on me wit her ex many times and i went back to her and forgave her and people told me i wuz stupid but i wuz madl y in love wit her thats why i did it. And now we still mad at each other and jasmine has fallen in love with me and i dont like her like that but im afraid 2 tell her that because i knew she liked me in the first place i jus felt as though i needed a strap dwn 2 numb ma feelins. we had sum past experiance with each other but we never went that far and i really liked it like she fucked really good. And we all go 2 the same school and jasmine get s mad at me when i show PDA wit each other and stuff in school but i cant help it cause char’s my stubby. and jasmine alway shits on me and i 2 her when char not around. like i dont know what to do like im so torn between them two. cause i love char cause she ma baby but i also love jasmine cause she wuz always there 4 me. but jasmine also had a girlfriend durin this whole situations and she always tellin me that she gonna leave her 4 me cause she loves me wit all her heart and soul. like wat should i do i know im playin a dangerous game and i wanna got out i us dnt know how.

MUAHZ
MZ. KEKE

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