LGBT Stories

“Lost soulmate”
What do you do when you’ve let your soulmate pass you by?….
I was with Andrea for 11 months before I lost her. We crossed paths when we were kids, she probably was then I was twelve. We went to an all girls camp together. I always remembered her as the redbone that always wore the big buns in her hair. I saw her again eleven years later at the gay club. I don’t know whether I was attracted to the familiar face but I just knew I wanted to get to know her. I avoided her for about a month because I was still trying to pursue someone else. So I finally started texting and calling her and we started spending time together and became inseparable.

     We hooked up after a month probably less. It probably was a bad idea because we hadn’t dated that long but I just knew I wanted to be with her I believe it was my insecurities that thought I would lose her if we weren’t in a relationship and she wanted to make me happy. My mom didn’t and doesn’t approve of my lifestyle and it was hard to invite her over without my mom making rude comments to me. Then if I went to see her I had to leave her mom’s apartment at a certain time and my mom would complain about me being gone so my mom gave me an ultimatum stay my ass home or move out, hell I’m 23 I’m not a child so imma move the hell out. So we moved in together in March of 08 and began the “family life” But I was a control freak either it was my way or no way, it started before we even made it official. She wanted to get a labret piercing and I objected so she didn’t do it to please me. She wanted to get dreads I didn’t like that so she didn’t to please me. She wanted to pledge a lesbian fraternity I objected it to it but she did it anyway and that’s when all hell broke loose because things weren’t going my way and it took so much of her time I felt abandoned. As time passed we had our ups and downs more downs I could say. A lot of arguing, fussing, and fighting. I don’t know how many times I told her to get out and when she was about to leave begged her to stay. She gave me everything I could ever hope or wish for or at least tried her best and I made her believe and feel it wasn’t good enough I wasn’t used to the feeling of being loved and I was to busy fighting my own demons to realize my angel was right in front of my face.

 Now I have to live with not knowing if we’ll ever be together again or me not ever getting the opportunity to prove myself to her and that I’ve changed and that she could be happy with me. I have to live with knowing someone else is kissing her lips, holding her hand, or gazing into her eyes when I thought I would be that only one from now until forever, because she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. So how am I suppose to go on from this. No one will ever be able to replace the void and emptiness that I feel now that she’s gone because she was a special part of me. How do I go on without mysoul mate.



I think its gonna Reign…
This place is changing drastikally 4 the happiness of u and me. Self love…our rights. Never a woman in office, kause they know that’s what we’d like. It’s peace, love, and happiness yall! All at our own will. “They’re too damn queer for their own good.” is what they’re saying on Kapitol Hill…
But its about to Reign…
The E.R.A. is relenquished in my head. I have so many talents, but all they seem to notice is the womanly figure in my bed. Just let it go. Kause in the meantime, I’ll klose my eyes and picture a life full of love and bliss. People are rich and if not, trying to be that shit. And the heads of my household are a Mrs. and a Ms…Some may ask “What’s the problem with all this?”. I wonder the same thing. ESPECIALLY when I turn on the TV and see a kountry embraced by fornication, drugs, and shame…
The Reign is Koming…
Why kan’t I marry the one who kompletes me? But I can go sell myself short in the desert, then go spend my earnings on that game of American Roulette that they so affectionately kall Nasdaq? America, land of the free home of the brave. America, with its amber waves of grain and its wonderful Hipocracy…oops I mean democracy. America, what’s done in the dark almost always comes to light…
But in America, they still seem to kall us dykes…



Present Day Future Of Forgotten Thoughts

Present day future of forgotten past thoughts
Yet still not someone I have ever forgot
Someone whos words
Makes my body shake as they careses my curves
Knowing I’m on her mind
That she was feeling me all this time….
Rush like tidal waves are my thoughts
What does this mean
Why is it yet that we haven’t forgot
Not a moment has past to make me forget her face
Or the first day we met at that place
The day I flirted on the low
For who I am
A woman I was scared for the world to know.
But here we are once again
And this time I wish she would take my hand
But this hand is small and lonely
For I will never be her only
Yet my mind is confused
Being surrounded in her presence
Yet truer word have never been spoken
Time is of the essence
May it be spent wisely down to the very last second.
May thoughts of me stimulate her mind
So that when she returns it is only me she searches to find.
Let me be the one she craves…
To entertain her on her loneliest days
To fulfill her wishes and chased her fears away
Yet her heart is further that anyone I’ve ever know
Belong maybe to another who lives where she calls home
A trick all to familiar to me
Of women who just aren’t really meant to be
So what to make of theses…
Present day future of forgotten thoughts
Yet still not someone I have ever forgot



So, here it goes. I first saw Her in high school. I was 14. It was our freshman orientation.  She stood about 10ft away from me with her mother. That was the first and only time I lost my breath. It felt like the wind had literally been knocked from me. I didn’t know what the hell was going on or why I felt light-headed. Maybe, it was the new high school jitters. Maybe.
My mother started a conversation with her mother (they both wore the same pair sunglasses and my Mom will talk to anyone). They commenced their chit chatting as we both stood there, looking terrified that we were entering high school. Our mother’s introduced us to each other and we discovered we would both be in the same division. From that point on, our new friendship began.
                Our friendship grew and solidified. I can truly say she is my best-friend. We told each other everything. There was nothing I could NOT tell Her. Except one thing; that I had loved her since the first time I saw her. At that age, I thought it was just a silly crush or I had confused my “friendship” feelings with real feelings because we were so close. That wasn’t the case at all. I thought about her constantly. But, I couldn’t tell her that. We were friends.
                She told me one day that she really liked this guy we had classes with. At that moment, it felt like someone punched me in the throat. I knew who he was, we were cool, I guess. He approached me and I found out that he too, liked my best friend. Great…just great. He came to me the next day asking about her again, inquiring, if it was true that she liked him also. I confirmed this. I helped pass “love notes” between the two and helped push them together. Why, you ask? She was my friend and I wouldn’t dare impede on her happiness. If she was happy, then I was happy, right? Maybe.
                They were together for seven years. Labeled as high school sweethearts that were destined to get married and have a family and live happily ever after. To me, she was MY sweetheart. Deep down, I was envious of him. He was getting the pleasure to revel in her existence whenever he chose. He got to touch her face. He got to kiss her. He was the one that made love to her. HE was the one she loved. He didn’t deserve her. Nevertheless, I was still there, quietly observing.
                The women I dated and had relationships with paled in comparison with her. She was the epitome of my “perfect woman.” I tingled just being in the same room with Her. It was downright hard to hug her and let go. Hard to be around her and not kiss her. I couldn’t look at her too long; because I feared my eyes would reveal how I felt.  If she only knew.
                I eventually, met someone. She was the exact opposite of her. I had to be with someone that was absolutely nothing like her. I needed a distraction. Sadly, for me and my new girlfriend, she would only serve as a distraction (for 6years). Still, I longed deeply for her. She was still very much present in my thoughts. During my relationship with my distraction, my best friend and her boyfriend had ended their reign together. When told of this news, one half of me jumped for joy the other, devastated. I was ecstatic because she wasn’t with him anymore, but angry because he had broken her heart so horribly and I was STILL in a relationship, that I really didn’t want. She moved to another state. She took my heart with her.
                So, there I am, in a relationship with a woman, who is head-over-heels in love with me, wishing I was with Her.  What the hell do I do now? I ended my relationship with my distraction, moved out and began my journey of rediscovering myself. During this process, I chose to purge all the bullshit and leave all my baggage at life’s airport terminal. I took a trip to see Her and I didn’t want to leave. She was no longer the girl I had loved for 11 years, but the woman I needed to let know how I felt. I had no secrets, except that I loved her.
                I, of course, could not bring myself to tell her face-to-face. At, the time I feared her reaction.  You have to understand my hesitation:
1)      She was my best friend
2)      She was STRAIGHT
3)      Did I mention she was STRAIGHT?
I feared that even though we were close, what I had to tell her would change/ruin our friendship. I didn’t want her to be “put-off” by me.  So, I flew back home and wrote her a letter. Yes, a damn letter. That was the only way I was going to divulge how I felt. I had begun writing this letter for years, but always tore it up. This time, I wrote everything I had to say and on August 1st, I dropped it in the mailbox. There was no turning back.
                Ten days later I call, no answer. Shit. I eventually get a TEXT from her saying she received my letter and “had no idea” was clueless about how I felt and was not “put-off” by me. She said she loved me and would talk to me soon.
                A month passes. No call. Nothing.
                A couple of more weeks pass. She calls. We play phone tag (more of I call and get no answer). She eventually calls We don’t talk long. WTF. I called. No answer. Now, I’m trying to maintain my sanity. I finally told the woman I’ve been infatuated with how I felt and I have gotten NO response, feedback, nada.
                November 5th , I text her and say, I really want to talk about the letter and get it over with. She responds, ok, “next time we talk then…this week or next.” *screams*
                No call.
                At this point, I don’t know what the hell is going on. It felt great for me to let that monkey off my chest but, I didn’t realize how she might feel about:
1)      Being told her best friend had been in love with her the entirety of their friendship
2)      A woman being attracted to her.
Now, all I can really do is…shit, I don’t know what to do. Am I wrong for wanting a response from her? I don’t even care if her response was that she didn’t want anything to do with me anymore (ugh, not the response I want), I just want to know SOMETHING.
Peace & Blessings.



 I’m done

It hurt to love someone who loses their ambition
Who doesn’t care about the consequences or outcomes of their actions.
When you give so much and risk it all and all they can say is “you don’t have to….you have the option to leave”.
You try to trust and believe in them but they always let you down.
You want them to show that they appreciate you because of the things you’ve done without being ask.
I just want her to show me that I’m not being used and she’s here for me like I am for here. Like she need me around as much as you say you want me.
And to lead me on and shut me down, lets put a pause to this…
I’m tired of you saying one thing and doing another.
I’m not sure if this was really “fixable” but I hope you and your next stud work it out.
I’m not about to sit here and convince you to do anything.
I personally don’t have the patience or want to spend the time….
With all that being said I’m done….
Swayzee (sway)



The kid in you

Note: I think everyone still have the “kid” in them. Even in our late teens, 20’s or even 40’s, we become “kids”. It seems to be a different type of “child’s play”, where our play dates are encouraged, naughtiness is boost and anger ain’t all that bad. The sniggling and giggling, ooh the moans and groans, can’t forget the squealing and inability to stay still. On top of that we have the gripping, squirming and biting, sounds familar, its like we’re in kindergarten again. So get this, you’re my star pupil in this here classroom…..which is pretty much my bedroom, instead of sending you home with a piece of paper for grades i’ll tell you orally…I….sorry verbally how pleased I am with your work. Hmm-mmm. Oh no this not child’s play…you get A+ if you can make me scream lol. So in our little game of hide&seek we become one, intimate and passionate. Elementary indulgence is now over, you can began junior high. More touching, teasing and pleasing…..sexual orientation instead of freshman assimilation. You do everything right you’ll pass with flying colors…R.O.Y.G.B.I.V…yup all seven of ’em. Well well well tempus fugit you’re a senior….you’ve learned alot over these past 4 hours….years, you know what I meant. Oh wow what do you know? You’ve reached the climax of your education….that means you graduate…….here……ahhh and there it is. Like I said before this is Not child’s play.

Swayzee (sway)



“A look inside”

I see you staring and pointing. Questioning. Judging. Wondering if the person holding my hand is my boyfriend or my boifriend. She is neither. She is so much more. She is my wife, studsband, best friend, my rock, my soul mate, my world, my protector. But you’ll never see that. To you she is just a woman in men’s clothing. But take my hand and follow me as I give you a guided tour inside of our love. The love that you call a sin a obamination, the love that makes your hateful stomach turn. This is the same love that surrounds my whole existence
and protects me from your fists of hate.

This is the same love that
nourishes my soul so that when you scream “dyke” at my lover I will not get angry or cower away; but instead I will smile and send up a small prayer asking GOD to forgive you for you not what you do.

Take my hand and allow me to draw you a map of how we did not choose this lifestyle anymore than you chose to be ignorant. The first stop will be at my wife’s childhood home where she was outcast and talked about for being too tomboyish by her mother. Let’s go to the closet where she would hide her basketball shorts and tank tops in a backpack that she carried everywhere because her parents refused to let their daughter be comfortable in her own skin, instead they forced her to wear dresses and put her hair in curls or burettes. Let’s sit on the bed where she sat up at night crying and holding herself asking GOD (yes your same GOD that you say does not accept “our kind”) to send her someone some day that would love her for who she truly was and would not judge her based on how she dressed but instead on the love
that she would give them.

 Next let’s stop by job where I have to watch men and women have the privilege of showing how committed they are to another through bands of gold and platinum jewelry, vows of eternal commitment, and a party to celebrate their privilege. While I sit quietly and pretend to want the same thing someday because the vows that I said to my wife to be hers until the end of time might as well
have been written in invisible ink because they are non-existent in my state. Taste the tears I cry when my wife gets sick and has to sit in a county zoo and wait until she passes out from the fever that is consuming her body because I cannot add her to my insurance  because the day we became one entity is illegal.

      Take my hand and allow me to feed you the poisonous negativity that is thrown at my family everyday by you and your society. Open your mouth and swallow the degrading profane comments that fall upon my children’s ears as we play at the park. Comments asking about the specifics of how my children came to be, comments asking can they watch me and my wife express our love for one another to fulfill a sick fantasy. Here open wide and swallow the stress that my wife faces at her job because she
has to work twice as hard as you just because she has three strikes
against her (she’s a female, she’s black and she’s a lesbian although she has a Master’s Degree and runs her own company, you thought it would be cute to make her your assistant. Here choke on the joy that you stole from her when she wanted to help coach our son’s football team bt the other father’s suggested that she help with the cheerleaders instead.  Don’t get weary now.       

     Take my hand and allow me to lay you to rest and cover you with the positivity that we continue to pour back into the same society that has salvaged, battered, and slain some of us just for being us. Lay here and hear the rhythm of my heart as it thumps to the beat of the thousands of footsteps of my fam walking through the street to walk for cancer. Lay here and listen to
me hum the song that the lady at the shelter sang as we handed out food and clothes to those in need this winter. Close your eyes and allow the warmth of our lgbt community donating thousands of our personal kash-money to aid in the research for a cure for AIDS. Allow me to wipe away the regret that flows from your eyes for finally realizing that you could not survive against  yourself if you were us.
       Lay here and allow a smile to slowly slither its way to your lips when you realize that you are now back on the outside…taking a look inside of my world.

If you like this poem, check out the rest!! Click HERE

The author of this poem can be reached on twitter! 



High School love story…..

Hey my name is Philisha and my soul mate is Monica  and here is our story…….

  It was my junior year in high school and i’d had 3 girlfriends on and off since the 7th grade. I met Monica in the 10th grade,  mind you I had no idea who she was! It wasn’t until we were both accepted into a hospital internship that I saw her again. We went through the whole first semester, never talked, never even really looked each others way, and we were in the same classroom. Its amazing how you can be around someone so much but never even say hi. Well 2nd semester came along, rather February, and it was one magnificent day. It was our first day at Parkland Hospital. We were getting our assignments and I sat down beside her and told her literally my whole life story. Why did I trust this girl so much? How did I know that she would or could keep my secrets? It was in that moment that I knew she was different. She became my best friend. I told her everything by this time. We came back from the hospital and I showed her a picture of my  girlfriend at the time Lisa. She really didn’t say much…… just ok that’s cool.

 It was the end of February and me and Lisa broke up. I knew I wanted more than a friendship with Monica but I don’t mess with straight girls because there too complicated.  Its March now and Monica and I are writing letters back and fourth. Everyday we write at least 3-4 letters exchanging them as we walk to our next classes. Our first outing was to the movies. It was a great evening. We went with a friend and the whole  night we were talking and laughing the whole way into the movie theatre. I’m going crazy! For the first time I’m nervous around a girl! Her friend sits in between us….. We both look at each other trying to figure out what this girl is doing? Needless to say the movie is over and wereready to go home. She starts to tickle me and we make this crazy eye contact but say nothing. I get home and I’m crazy to admit this but no lie,  I jumped for joy. I’m shouting in my room,going crazy about this girl.

So we are now in April. We’re at an Area Conference it is unbelievable how much tension is between us. It was the longest 3 days of my life. She invites me to her room and  nothing goes on. All we do is snuggle and stay up the whole night talking. In that moment I think she realized something about herself as well as me….. We get back home and the letters aren’t as friendly as they were. She’s asking questions and questioning herself and what she likes and who she likes. At this point I’m not gonna take anything further because again I don’t deal with straight women.

The day is April 15, 2006 the time 6:06 PM. and she asks “Will you go out with me”? I’m stunned and of course we get the party going. Monica is my everything as we get into senior year. Neither my mom nor her teacher  has no idea we’re going out. Its written on our faces and for some reason no one even suspected anything because she nor I really were out to friends. I was out but wasn’t  like shouting to the world I was gay……. If I was asked I would say yes. She on the other hand was straight as straight could get.

 Finally I tell my mom Monica and I are dating and that’s when the nightmare begins. I lost everything basically to be with her. My parents didn’t trust me. I had a house key but that was taken. I couldn’t go anywhere. I couldn’t do anything…… that was a trying year for us. I never saw anywhere except school and that was only 30 minutes of contact. The thing that actually made me fall in love with her was when she came to everyone of my softball games during the summer before senior year started. We talked and hung out as much as possible to learn more and be together, and by that time I was tired of it all and did what I wanted to do. I “broke up” with my mom and went to her house everyday of the summer. I went crazy and realized I’m going to make my senior year better. I may have lost my parents trust, my lively hood, my life, but I had her and that was good enough for me. We went through senior year and it was ok but not the best. Not seeing the girl you love is kinda hard but it happens. 

Its now the beginning of April and I come home from seeing Monica. Its after 10 o’clock curfew. My mom and I get into a fight and I’m done. I’m not gonna take her hate, her “disgust”, her word of me, and I left. Its  midnight and  I call Monica and tell her what happened. She calls me a cab, pays my fair, and I went  to live with her. I’m not ever  going to forget that night or morning. Her parents are the best. They allowed me to move in and stay the remainder of my senior year and however long it took to get myself together…… Of course I didn’t want to impose so I planned on moving out after graduation.

Well life got easier. I was working, making money and with the girl I loved. Now it is April 15, 2007  and I’m madly in love and already have a ring picked out and making payments on it. I made a binder of all the letters that she had written me. I put them in a beautiful binder with pictures surrounded of us……The letters went through eacf of our phases…. As she got to the last page I took her hand and told her how much I loved her and how the sun set and rose on her. I woke up everyday smiling thinking about her and went to sleep everynight when we weren’t together on the phone we fell asleep together even though we weren’t.  She was the girl of my dreams. She was my best friend and there was nothing or no one in this world that could change that. I proposed. Of course by now she’s balling. Crying her eyes out and I’m just chilling holding her and yes she did say “YES”.

Monica and I have been through everything. My parents and I have been through everything and through this whole journey Monica had been with me. I will not forget the firsts I have had with her. My first birthday party, my first true love, my first actual christmas present. My mom got me gloves and a people magazine and last year I got a quesadilla maker. But I’m not made anymore at my mom. She is who she is and I am who I am, but that’s another story. So Monica and I have started a new chapter in our live and after 3 yrs of being together we moved away from Duncanville to Plano. We are ready to start our lives. She will be the mother of my children. Of course this gay marriage thing is crazy. Texas will never make it legal or even consider it because it is a republican state but its all good. I don’t plan on staying in Texas the rest of my life. But Monica and I have our problems, we have our struggles like anyone but I love her with all my heart. She is and will always be my everything and the true love of my life. We are going strong and coming up on our 4 year anniversary and she will always be my soul mate!




[Outer] Space
When you are forging your spaceship, can you make room for me? Can it be a seat right next to yours so that I may lay my head on your shoulder and pour my soul out to you? Just you, me & outer space; in deep exploration of places we’ve never been before. Taking in sights so beautiful that you wouldn’t mind if you went blind afterwards because you have reached the pinnacle of that sense. Give me your hand, while we no longer are confined to the chains of gravity; we can truly get high and fly, with no weight on our shoulders; just you, me & outer space.

[Know] You
I want to delve into you mind and see who you are/
unadulterated, raw, and unedited./
This seems to be an impossible task but we are taught to believe that nothing is impossible/
with that being instilled in me, I refuse to give up.
I want to know your darkest secret/
your biggest fear/
the emotions that rushed through you when you experienced…/
things like that time you….and then you…/
and this is how you felt after.
Willing to accept you flaws and all/
I’m not your typical, analytical, stereotypical woman/
I’m better than that, I’m something like you’ve never encountered.
I don’t know about you but I’m ready to feel/
something real.
Awake emotions in you that you never knew existed, make you happy on a level of which you have never been.
Something like the first time you…/
And the last time you…

[O U R]
I don’t want to [fall] in love, I want to sit in it slowly as if it was a bath that was drawn too hot/
and then I want to drop the top & ride away with our love/
paint beautiful colors on canvas with our love/
give the haters a reason to hate on our love/
I want to roll our love up in my L and smoke it, not passing to anyone because I’m selfish when it comes to O U R love
If the word love was embodied then the physical would truly look something like when we are together.



“Birthday Gone Bad”

     The night started off on the wrong foot…… It was raining, we were running late, and I was in a weird mood. I was at a party that was intended for me (for my 18th birthday) and somewhere along the lines, the party became an event for my friend. I was kind of upset about my friend trying to steal my shine and MY party so I went and sat down with a friend who consoled me and helped me ease my mind. While we  were sitting there, I noticed some confused ass, VERY unattractive, “straight boy” ( straight in the gay club) talking a whole lot of mess to my friend. He was hollerin about ” faggot this faggot that, I dont do faggot shit.” That was the WRONG thing to say.

     The whole party followed the boy and that scene queen outside to watch the drama unfold. Mutual friends tried to hold her back but she got away! Before she got over there, a drag queen who’s about 6’3” with no heels on ran over punched the boy square in his head. POW!! The boy went down and 30 queens came with him. Lol. They jumped on that boy like flys on shit. It was a massacre! In the midst of all this, I was told to stay out of it and hold everyone’s things. I was innocently watching the brawl from the side of the parking lot when some big ass security guard comes out of the club and starts masing everyone. That bitch got me right in my eyes!

     I immediately started crying and ran towards the nearest puddle of water (it had raining all day) and started splashing water in my eyes. My eyes felt like they were about to burn out my head. I could breathe, my face was burning. It was a MESS! After a while my eyes stopped burning, the fight ended, and we headed to a friends house for drinks and ummm…other refreshments. Lol. The night ended up ok even though we had more fun at a friends house then we did at the club. That birthday was one I will NEVER forget.    




I get on sites like downelink, myspace facebook, so and so forth both me and my girl have pages conscience of each others presence, i see her post things knocking studs on studs but in our private conversations she her self has fuck one, then i see her post blogs saying if u ever been with a guy u might as well say your bi, but before she ever really understood her own sexuality she lost her virginity to her best friend at the age of 13 just experimenting. Sometimes i just don’t get it, does she feel like it would make her less of a stud to these people who’s opinions are ignorant and judgmental, why do we as a community judge each other so harshly, we already have to deal with it from our parents family and the rest of the world.

 Well anyway i love my stud but it hurts me that she wont let me talk about the mind blowing sex we have, she just talks about how good my head game is and thats what tied her down. well I’m tired of hiding in the closet again!!! we change “roles” in the bedroom, I’m still the fem and she is very much still stud, but the dominance gets thrown around given and taken back in forth and that is what truthfully tied her ass down to me, the final knot in the lace.

 It all started on our 1 yr anniversary, and i told her i wanted to strap her down, she just listened as i talked, telling her how bad i want to try new things, how open i am with her. She just leaned over and told me she loves me and walked to the bathroom. I sat there in my own thoughts, is what i asked that bad, what if she breaks up with me, well she lets me finger her, she straps me, is it that serious? Then is struck me she was molested as a child maybe that is the wall that blocks her from being sexually liberated, it took me along time to get over being raped, well I’m still not over it i just don’t hold it against women. i got up and went to the bathroom and apologized, telling her all the thoughts that had crossed my mind while i was left sitting on the bed.

 When she came out the bathroom she smiled and said lets go for it baby, now here i must say it was not just her that got turned out that night so had I, i have used straps on other fems before but never a stud but i felt i was ready. I lid across the bed and reached into my top bedside draw and pulled out butterscotch, my strap is named after my skin tone and for my sweetness. she laughed t my eagerness and b4 i could close the draw she pulled me to the edge of the bed and pulled my thong off of me as i feverishly fought with my nitey. slowly she started licking me 4m bottom to top, pausing at my clit to suck on it then slowly licking back down pausing and sticking licking round my ass, she continued this till i nutted all in her mouth.

 I curled my finger for her to come up to me i signed for her to sit on my face and she obliged, holding her ass i tongued fucked her tight pussy sucking hungrily on her clit i feasted like a starved lesbian, i pushed her off my face on to her back and continued to eat her tongue fucking her making slow circles on her with my finger, they traded place i started to finger her as i sucked on her clit, didn’t miss a drop. her legs tightened around my head then released and started shaking, as she released into my mouth her mouth released my name.

 I looked up at her and she handed me butterscotch so as i proceeded to put butterscotch on, i asked her if she was sure and said she was down but not to call her a bitch cuz i was her bitch i just smiled and said ok, because she isn’t a bitch, she a boss. as i climbed up on the bed and between her legs and lifted them around my waist, i looked t her asking if she was sure, she nodded looked me in my eyes and told me she loved me, i almost started to cry, beauty is able vulnerable with the one you love.


I started of slow till she was fully adjusted and comfortable, let me tell u i was knocking them walls down till i found out how comfortable she was, she pushed me out and on to my back, she begun to straddle me hell it was me that was nervous now, climbed on top of me and road me reverse cowgirl, she laid froward and i watched her ass bounce up and down slow and fast circles up and down the shaft of butterscotch i don’t know how many times i screamed i love her i was in pure ecstasy, i didn’t know my girl had it in her.

 When we finished we talked about what the hell happened to make her go so buck wild, she told me because now i have competition in the bedroom, and for me to know that I’m not the only one that can come out with some surprises and she watched me and enough porn to figure of to do it. we just laughed.. then she grabbed me by my chin and we locked eyes and she told me to keep it in the bedroom and not to tell none of our friends cu she doesn’t want them looking at her like shes a bitch. i told her she isn’t a bitch and wasn’t sure where it was all coming from but i agreed. now we have been together 3 years and just had to write it out my system.


     I dont remember what day of the week it was but I remember I didnt feel well. I was exhausted from working all the time, had a headache, and cramps if I remember correctly. She called me when she got out of class. We talked and laughed. I told her I didnt feel good at all and I missed her…We hung up and I laid back down.

     About an hour went by and I started to dose off…..Talk about a deep sleep. My slumber was interrupted by my phone ringing. It was her…I wasnt mad my sleep was interrupted anymore. No sooner did I answer the phone there were a few sturdy knocks on the door. I was at a friends house working out of town so I was slightly weary to open it.

     “Open the door” she yelled on the other side of the phone. I was excited and a little confused. Lol. At first I thought the phone was just loud and she heard whoever was knocking on the other side. It was her though. Looking radiant and beautiful as always. She stood there with flowers in hand and a drink in the other. ” I know you didnt feel good so I came to see you.” Its amazing how such a small thing someone does for you can light up your life in so many ways.

     We spent the rest of the day together and she told me about how she had plotted coming to see me after the first time we spoke. She lived a ways away so this made what she had done all the sweeter. As I laid in bed that night I couldnt help but think to myself “this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done.” Then I pictured her face, closed my eyes, and fell asleep with a smile on my face.



when you told me you were going to go see her that night, i wanted to choke you. i hate that she’s so near you and i’m so far. i thought about what you two would do together. watch a little tube… kiss… finger-fuck? would your dainty little hand smell like honeysuckle afterward? if so, would that be enough to make you stay overnight and explore all her orifices until her body became synonymous with the word climax? it was my secret hope that she smelled like sewage, and that you’d run up out of there to call me and clown her before it got that far. (the call never came though.) i thought about you two whispering smutty words in each other’s ear, your soft sweet mound grinding up against her wack ass pussy. she doesn’t deserve to be around you, let alone taste/feel your flesh. she’s just using you because her marriage is disheveled and your pretty face brings calm to her life… to everyone’s life – that’s half the issue right there. but i know you’re using her too, to fill an emotional void. babe, i’m jealous, though i attempt not to be. it’s like i’m oversensitive when it comes to you. i’m sorry i can’t be there all the time to give you everything you need. sincerely, this is not a ploy to make you feel guilty, because i understand your need to get off, but i just had to get THIS off my chest.

i don’t wanna be a selfish lover.
i don’t wanna be a selfish lover.
i don’t wanna be a selfish lover.
i don’t wanna be a selfish lover.
i don’t wanna be a selfish lover.
i don’t wanna be a selfish lover.
i don’t wanna be a selfish lover.
i don’t wanna be a selfish lover.
i don’t wanna be a selfish lover.
i don’t wanna be a selfish lover.
i don’t wanna be a selfish lover.
(repeat, rinse)

i don’t wanna be a selfish whatever the hell i am to you.

Jilly Hunter


…who ever made that quote lied. lol.

In some or maybe most cases that term is correct and probably in mine as well but I’m too sensitive to see it that way. I am a firm believer in honesty, and though at times I may have not been the up most honest with everyone, I was in the area of the truthso… You know I’m not technically lying… right? ahaha

However, in this case I couldn’t lie, I couldn’t move away from the truth and I was 100% honest. Which is probably why, I got 100% of raw emotion; which hurt me, and put me in fear. Sitting at work at my desk staring at a blank screen I felt my body shaking and tears rushing down my face. Not knowing where to turn, I call the 2 people closet to me for comfort. Still in a place of confusion I decide to leave the situation alone and try to focus. I never realized how computer work and tears don’t mix.

Funny I keep saying how I felt. What my heart was feeling. What fears were in me, but what about her? What was she feeling? What was going thru her mind? Did it feel like a dagger went straight through her heart? That her sweetheart in some odd way tricked her and made her feel foolish?

Probably all those things and more surrounded her being at that point. Emotions went from happy to sad in a matter of seconds. My intention was never to hurt her, but it seems to have escaped me and attacked her. I can’t begin to try and forgive myself for the pain I must have caused her. I don’t want to forgive myself, I want her to forgive me. And for us to move forward, and eventually become one. For this to have been just another obstacle that we crossed and survived together. To look back and say that made us stronger.

But as we all know we don’t always get what we want in life. We have to work for it, for forgiveness and for trust.

Hopefully things will get better and go back to normal. I can’t or should I say don’t want things to change. Unless in fact, they change for the better.



Real Talk [part 1]

Sometimes I feel that maybe I’m too disabled for love…I feel like MOST disabled women wont date me because they either dont date other disabled people or they automatically assume I’m more dependent then they are. As MOST for able-bodied women, I feel like they can’t look past the chair and allow themselves to get to know me, they see me as helpless and someone they’ll end up having to take care of. Just because I’m in a wheelchair doesn’t mean I can’t do a damn thing for myself! And I DAMN SURE don’t expect anyone to take care of me. I have people in my life, i.e. family and my aides to provide assistance when necessary. I’d never expect a potential g/f to help me w/anything….unless of course we’re out and/or being intimate. But I’d never ask her to take full responsibility for helping me address my needs on a daily basis. Having said that, I would now like to pose some questions that have been spinning around in my head 4 quite awhile now.

for my STUDS: please tell me why…some of you would rather waste your time trying to “turn out” a straight girl instead of giving someone like me a chance? we all know their fascination with being w/a woman (who “conveniently” happens to look like a dude so they can hide you from their parents/friends) will only last all of 3-6 months before she gets bored and leaves you for a guy, at which point you’re left @ home crying b/c you’re still in love w/her. Why subject yourself to such misery when you can get to know a lovely,SELF-ASSURED lesbian who will love you whole-heartedly and tell EVERYONE she knows! And knows there’s nothin sexier than being able to see that nice rack you got through your wifebeater

for my FEMMES: why are some of you so hesitant to admit your attraction to other femmes? it’s not against the law….and I don’t get the stud biased either…a WOMAN IS A WOMAN!

for my DISABLED WOMEN: why do some of you feel the need to pre-determine someone’s abilities? especially when you can’t stand for an able-bodied person to do it to you?!

for ALL MY LADIES: why do some of you play head games? NEWS FLASH! being led on hurts 1000000000 times more than the truth and though I may be sweet, I DONT LIKE BEING FED SUGAR-COATED BULLSHIT! I’m a woman and I can handle the word NO.

now that I’ve gotten all that off my chest, I’ll leave you w/this. My disability ONLY affects my muscles, not my ability to think, feel, speak and most importantly LOVE.. Sometimes I view my disability as both a gift and a curse, a gift because every obstacle I’ve faced has made me stronger and I have a greater appreciation for the little things in life. A curse because it’s hard to get people to see what I have to offer. Don’t judge a book by its cover because you never know how GREAT the story inside is!

I hope I’ve given everyone something to think about (and my fellow disabled women something to identify with)



(Untitled) To my Muse…..

You kill me…
Biting down sensually on your lip
My hands softly touching on your hips
Our kisses teasing,



Thirsting, for the needs within.
So intoxicating, you make my head spin
This is destiny, so intensified
Fate, as our sexual planets collide

Faintly hear the sounds of ’say yes’
Melting into you like a Hersheys kiss
To you, subliminally, my mind submits
Your body on mine, in that perfect fit

Pulling you deeper, our bodies interchange

Female sensuality exchanged,

Raw passion maintained.

Every touch awakens my senses
I’ve never met someone so attentive
My heart, my soul, friend & my lover
I want to keep you close to me forever

Slowly as the sun beings to rise
I feel the flutter of butterflies inside
warm are it’s beams of light on me
As I feel more exalted than a queen
Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît point.



Free love

she loves her better than a man
strums her heart like a golden harp
spellbound by pristine honeymelodies
romantic renaissance being born
inside their sweet, warm sound
it is a certain total bliss
never to be perceived as dissonance
by anyone who has ever loved freely and truly
& LOVE is proud and aroused and inspired
to share her kisses more graciously
to make the lonely cum out of their
coma of lovelessness to heal
and believe in her again
and all she can do for them
once virulent prejudice and fear is removed
replaced with iridescent beauty and freedom
as she whispers to them…
create your own oxygen
and breathe again

Painter girl

i fantasize about you
no cares if it’s
right or wrong
all i care about is
this sweet feeling
you give me
even without touch/
it’s your goddess spirit
it emits this ethereal energy
the kind the good ghosts cling to
undeniably addicted
happily snorting this
lust-dope you gave me
but you’re much more
than a pretty chick with big tits
you’re sorta like aphrodite
embodying the raw essence
of love and beauty
and i’m so thankful for you
in awe of you
for we’ve spiritually conceived
this gorgeous lovechild
in hendrix’s electric lady land
where femininity dances
freely, provocatively
weaving cosmic bliss
for us to share together
in this very soothing space
where no one exists
but us
and our thoughts
and beliefs
flaws and soft flesh
and everything coincides
and i really dig that/
you knew just what
you were doing
when you said hello
the first time
i gave you sullen eyes
and you gave me brilliant art
as soul decor
and because of this
we’ll be connected
for a very long time

Author: Jilly hunter




How can I bear the burdens of my Love as a sin?
When it flows so rapid like that from an ocean ,
once captured and whisked away by it,
I have become so dependent  and reliant,
I lean on the strength embedded within it,
surely its not a sin to Love, then why is my Love a sin?
Maybe its because my Love loves different.
I care for all, trust only a few,
and naturally Love differently than most do.
I love  me…take that as you wish,
rather than swim as a catch, I like to fish
rather than lead in cheers I’m on the field with the team,
rather than dance on stage I am behind the scenes.
I Love  me, but not me as in I,
me as in those harvesting what is between my thighs.
Loving those who dwell within the
Land of Candy-coated Raindrops and Rainbows
P r i d e but self-control,
in the closet or not hidden
our Love is the Fruit of the Forbidden.
But yet it like others grows and lives,
some take some give
some both, neither less it still grows,
forms and bellows,
harvest and feast,
feed into the melodies  of a beast.
So again,
how can my Love be a sin?
It forms in the same way but a different direction.
Like others I search forever, sometimes years,
only to be promised pain and tears
I receive heartaches  and my heart aches like others do,
when my veins are split they bleed too.
And like them when my heart breaks I cry, heal, and  move on.
So please explain to me how my Love is so wrong?
Yeah. Its true, that I chose Eve over Adam.
For Eve had what I need and he didn’t have them.
Adam is too easy and quite too needy,
while Eve, even when not receiving, she feeds me.
She supplies the Forbidden Fruit  that Adam has yet to comprehend.
And while Adam awkwardly moves,
Eve’s comfortable in her skin.
Damn, I see why my Love is a sin.
Because the way Eve makes me feel is too close to perfection,
and no one and nothing is more perfect than God,
but Eve makes being humble so damn hard.
How can I deny the Queen her wishes?
For every point of denial she becomes more and more vicious.
She’s calling me, so I have to answer,
spreading her Love through me like a cancer.
I tried Adam but he wasn’t  Eve,
and no matter how hard i tried to I lie to the world and myself

it just wasn’t Me.

I’d rather be in Hell suffering because I told the truth through Life,
than in purgatory for living a huge lie.
So go ahead and open that other bag of Skittles,
while I slide down this r a i n b o w  more than a little,
and make way for Eve and I to fly,
in the Land of Candy-coated Rainbows for a Lifetime.





No shame in the gun, when it goes.. Pow.. That release sends off negative neurons, a fist full of pain, and confusion..

The bullet which has no name, wanders aimless till it finds a target.. Whether it b a wall or a heart.. There is something it promises.

Damage is the consequence… But at what cost and for what reason.. Its not the bullet’s fault, or the gun it came from..

But the hand tht loaded it.. Cuz without that hand the gun is harmless..Who put that power in the gun, who made it ok to spray…

Now lives are taken n there’s no one to blame.. No one to point the finger 2.. Not even a name…Were u just that scared to throw a punch? No heart to get touched.. That coward move was from a distance, if u had ballz, tha gun would b missin..

Now she’s not here, can’t see another day.. Can’t cool  class=”hiddenSpellError” pre=”cool “>wit tha homies on a saturday.. I miss u my nigga, rip TaE

This is dedicated to lost lives frm aimless bullets they spray..





At this age, confusion shouldn’t be an option,
but I’m stuck, stuck in a world of right vs. wrong,
stuck in a box that says ” Never Prosper”. 
Finding my mind full of nothing, running into endless
ditches. Some may say, I can cope with my issues,
some may say its in my head.  So my question is..
If I’m thinking I’m stuck in my mind, how do I let my
mind break me free.  I use to be strong, strong as rubber.
As the yrs went by I broke me down. Some don’t understand,
that everything you see and do wears and tears your mental,
we are built to be strong and deal with the regular day to day,
However, some can control it better than others.  They say that,
the mind can play tricks, yet we create the tricks we see.
I take it one day at a time, I smoke my weed, I drink my wine,
but I come back to that state of mind.  I wannabe  happy,
but happy is running out of time .Hopefully, everything will fall in place
sooner than later. Hopefully this state of confusion doesn’t last forever.


The Femme would love to submit your true life LGBT topic on the LGBT stories page. Please email me at:

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